PART 2: MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

Hi everyone! Sorry it's taken me so long to post this but it's finally here :) The following is a bunch of things I've put together on finding your way when struggling with your faith. I'm not an expert but the following is what has helped me and what I've learned from those who are knowledgeable. I'd like to share this so that I can help other Muslims. It may also be helpful to non-Muslims who are also on a spiritual journey.

1. Talk to God

I think the first thing one should do whilst in the middle of a "spiritual crisis" is to talk to God. He sees and hears all. He knows your deepest secrets. You have to sincerely ask Him to open your heart and guide you to the straight path. Make constant dua (your personal prayers to God), He hears them all:

It's easy to make dua. Raise your hands up and ask away. 

"And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided" (Quran, 2:186).

I'd also like to add that when you find your way, continue making dua everyday so that Allah will continue to help you. I didn't really make dua before. If I did, they were always about getting an assignment done on time or if I needed the help only the divine could provide in an emergency or whatever. I never made any dua about forgiveness or guidance. Now I do it all the time at every prayer and at random times throughout the day. I find that life has become easier and I thank God for continuously bestowing His Mercy upon me even while I was agnostic. When you make dua everyday and remember God, you find that He answers you more. Allow me to give you an example. Think about it. When someone only talks to you when they really need something from you and don't talk to you at other times, how do you feel? They don't care about you until they need something. So why would you want to help that person the next time they need something? Now, this is not to say that Allah (God) isn't merciful to those who "forget" Him - He most certainly is - but things are always better when you make dua and are in constant remembrance of Him. 

2. Work on Your Inner Self

To be guided, you have to change yourself. You have to be sincere and be willing to be guided to the straight path and surely He will guide you for God guides those who seek Him:

"And those who strive for Us - We will surely guide them to Our ways. And indeed, Allah is with the doers of good" (Quran 29:69).

 You also have to humble yourself and remove any arrogance regarding religion:

"I will turn away from My Sign (verses of the Quran) the eyes of those who are unjustly arrogant in the land, so that even if they see each and every sign they will not believe in it. If they see the way of righteousness before them (monotheism, piety, and good deeds) they will not follow it, but if they see a crooked way (polytheism, crimes, and evil deeds) they will follow it, this is because they denied Our Revelations and were heedless (to learn a lesson) of them" (Quran 7:146)

 This verse is self explanatory. The ability to believe and understand the verses of God is granted to those who deserve it. God turns away the belief and understanding of the Quran from those who are arrogant. In order to learn, you have to humble yourself. Even if an arrogant person saw every proof/miracle, they still wouldn't believe. They would gladly take the path to misguidance immediately. If someone wants to change and looks for the truth with the intention of finding it, Allah will help them gladly!

You should also be thankful for what you have. A close friend of mine told me this worked for her and it had also worked for me. Allah does not love those who are ungrateful and this is mentioned many times throughout the Holy Quran. If you still have some faith in God, thank Him for what you have and try to be happy because when you are "lost", your doubt does bring you unhappiness. Add to that the other crap you may be going through at the moment which is usually the case when people lose their faith. You may feel like you have nothing but without His guidance and mercy you will be more lost and more unhappy. You also have to think about the fact that there are other people out there in much worse situations; you're not blind (considering you're reading this) or not handicapped or serving in a war or even homeless. You have so much to be thankful for. There are people out there dying or fighting for a good life so you must appreciate Allah for all that you have. Face it, life can be worse. So you have to stop being arrogant and ungrateful. Be grateful and sincere. After you take the first steps towards change, the rest will be easy insha-Allah (God-willing). But you have to get rid of your ego first and humble yourself to even take that first step. 

3. Confide in a Close Friend 

It's good to have support when 
you don't know what to do!

Speak to a close non-judgmental friend that you trust and will give you encouragement. Sometimes it helps take some of the burden off your shoulders to speak to someone about what you're going through. You‘ll still feel kind of alone because they may not be going through the same thing you are or haven‘t ever gone through it in the past. But you won‘t feel as alone as you would be if you didn‘t confide in someone. And you‘d have some support. Shout out to my friends who I have been able to confide in and gave me wonderful support and advice! You know who you are, I love you guys!

4. Find God!

Get to know Allah. A friend of mine told me this. Don't look at the different things other people are saying. Isolate yourself and seek knowledge. The way I "got to know Allah" was studying the Quran. It's not enough to just read the translation of the Quran; there's more to the verses than simply its translation. You have to learn the context of every verse and its explanation from knowledgeable people (i.e. teachers). Like I said in Part 1: My Spiritual Journey, I had watched Sheikh Nouman Khan's story about being an atheist (while having been raised a Muslim) and how studying the Quran in a translation class opened his heart to Islam. I did the same thing (along with changing my inner self) and it has helped me so much. It will surely help you as well.

I'd also like to say that each and every one of us has an instinctive awareness of God. It is a part of human nature. In the Quran, God tells Muhammad, peace be upon him, to tell the people:

"And when your Lord brought into existence the offspring from the loins of Adam and his descendants (every single human being to ever exist) and made them testify about themselves: 'Am I not your Lord?' They all replied: 'Yes! We bear witness that you are.' [This We did], lest you mankind should say on the Day of Resurrection: 'We were not aware of this fact [that You are our Lord and that there will be a Day of Judgement.'" (Quran 7: 172)

This is why every human being inclines towards spirituality and wonders about the deeper meanings of life and of their purpose here on Earth. In addition, whenever a person is in danger where there is no one around to help them or they're in a situation where no one can help (like suddenly being unable to breathe), they say or think "God, if you're up there, save me!" It's because of this incident mentioned in the verse above. A part of us is aware of God's existence.

We are also comforted and feel at ease when we are close to God. A 2013 research study, published in Jama Psychiatry, found that spirituality and religion seems to be protecting us from major depression. 103 adults with low or high risk for major depression were participants in the study. The abstract of the article says:

"A thicker cortex associated with a high importance of religion or spirituality may confer resilience to the development of depressive illness in individuals at high familial risk for major depression, possibly by expanding a cortical reserve that counters to some extent the vulnerability that cortical thinning poses for developing familial depressive illness."

Another study, published earlier this year in the Canadian Journal of Psychiatry and conducted in Canada over a period of 14 years, found that regularly attending religious services at least once a month had a "protective effect against major depression" in comparison to those who did not attend religion services. So as we can see, spirituality and religion is a part of our nature; it is built into us. If it wasn't, why are there health benefits to it? Why is it that there is something in our brains that respond to spirituality providing protection against clinical depression? We clearly cannot say that spirituality and religion is something humans made up. God already informed mankind that belief and remembrance of Him will protect us from clinical depression in the Quran more than a thousand years ago:

"...Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest" (13:28).

I remember the time around my agnosticism to be a time where my world had turned upside down.  I was actually going through a lot of problems throughout this time. I was angry all the time, very depressed, and suicidal. Losing my faith just sent me over the edge. I didn't know who I was or where I was going. I was just even more distraught. This part of my life was the one of the worst things I had ever gone through. When I "found" Islam on my own, I was no longer depressed nor suicidal. Life changed for the better. Islam helped me to slowly pick the pieces of my self up. Verily, with the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest! Ultimately, it is Islam that brings the most comfort and protection to the human being. I'd like to end this section with some spoken word by Kamal Saleh on the existence of God.

5. Science and the Quran

Did I just say science and the Quran? Do science and Islam actually go hand in hand? The answer is yes! Look around at nature. How could it possibly be here by itself? Think about the world and the universe. This is what I did. I looked around at all the trees, grass, sky, clouds, etc. Really looked at it. There is no way all of this got here by itself. 

Below is a beautiful recitation of Chapter 55 of the Quran, Al-Rahman, discussing nature with an English translation. Watch the vid!

You should also study the scientific facts in the Quran. Yes, there are plenty of scientific facts described in the Quran that have been discovered long after Prophet Muhammad's death! For example, let's talk about the hydrologic cycle, aka the water cycle. Bernard Palissy (16th century) is credited as the first man to have "discovered" the modern theory of the water cycle. He published his thoughts describing it in 1580. We've all learned about the water cycle and the steps in elementary school. 

Diagram of the water cycle

In earlier times, people did have certain ideas and theories about the water cycle. For example, Thales (7th Century B.C) proposed the idea that the ocean's surface spray was carried by the wind and deposited on the earth as rain (Naik 26). In regards to underground water (look at the diagram above), Plato had the idea that the water was collected back into the oceans and bodies of water through a passage called "Tartarus" (Strangeways 7). Until the 19th century, Aristotle's theory was prevalent. His theory was that  "...water was condensed in cool mountain caverns and formed underground lakes that fed springs (Naik 27). Today, we know that the steps in the water cycle is evaporation, condensation, precipitation and lastly, collection. The sun's heat causes water (from oceans, lakes, etc) to evaporate. The water vapour turns into clouds which becomes water again turning into precipitation. Then, the water comes off the land through underground lakes (formed by the rainwater which has seeped through the ground not condensed in cool mountain caverns) and "collected" back into the ocean and other bodies of water.

In the Quran, God tells us:

 "...He sends down rain from the sky by which He brings to life the earth after its lifelessness. Indeed in that are signs for a people who use reason" (30:24).  

"And We have sent down rain from the sky in a measured amount and We cause it to soak in the earth. And indeed We are able to drain it off (with ease)" (23:18).  

"Do you not see that Allah sends down rain from the sky and leads it through springs in the earth; then He produces thereby crops of varying colors; then they dry and you see them turned yellow; then He makes them [scattered] debris. Indeed in that is a reminder for those of understanding" (39:21).

Now how could an illiterate man living in the 7th century know all of this? And without having any of the technology and instruments of science that educated men have used to make these discoveries? The Quran is also the only text from that time that accurately reflects the stages of the water cycle. Think about it. Can we deny that this isn't a coincidence? It only proves that he is truly a prophet from God. I would love to talk about other examples but that is not what this post is about. The water cycle is only one of many scientific facts mentioned in the Quran. There are many others. A great book you can read is A Brief Illustrated Guide to Understanding Islam by I.A. Ibrahim. You can read the second edition of the book online here. It's a really good book. It's not long and it's quite simple to read. You can also read The Qur'an & Modern Science: Compatible or Incompatible by Dr. Zakir Naik which I used to talk about the water cycle. I recommend these two books to all whether Muslim or non-Muslim.

Sources:

Precipitation: Theory, Measurement and Distribution By Ian Strangeways

The Qur'an & Modern Science: Compatible or Incompatible by Dr. Zakir Naik

6. Study Other Texts

Look at other religions if you need to. A close friend of mine told me this. Don't look at how people act. Look at the religious texts. It is the text that is truly reflective of any religion, not its followers. For me, I looked at Christianity and the Bible. Belief in a creator and monotheism was what I wanted so Hinduism, Buddhism, and Taoism were out. Judaism was out because it denied the coming of Jesus and other prophets. So that left Christianity. The whole thing with the Trinity and God having begotten a son were baffling and didn't make sense so I looked at Orthodox Christianity. 

I did research and lo and behold! First of all, I found so much similarities to Islam. Women are also required to wear a headscarf and wear it whilst praying as well (1 Corinthians 11:5,6). There also many verses in the Bible that speak of prostrating to God, which is similar to when Muslims make sujud (prostrate) whilst praying. But I found something else. Something that shocked me. The Bible was sexist, and extremely so. Women had absolutely no rights. She was the property of her husband and she couldn't inherit from her family if she had brothers. I mentioned this stuff before in Part 1 of this post. There are other stuff in the Bible that are against women. In addition, the prophets in the Bible are sinful. For example, Noah is a drunkard. I thought this was disrespectful. Some Christians may argue, "Who follows it anymore? It's an ancient text and outdated!" No, that is so disrespectful! If Jesus were here today, what would he say? Would he accept that it's okay to follow some things and ignore others? But I'm getting off topic here. On to the next point!

7. Remove Bad Influences 

Remove the bad influences in your life. If there are people in your life who are not supporting you on your journey or are keeping you away from finding the right way and staying on it, you need to remove them from your life (I'm not talking about parents, they deserve your care and respect no matter what). Think about it. If you are a drug addict and you have friends who are also addicts and are constantly smoking some s*** and offering you some, would you not stay away from these friends? So that you won't fall back to your drug problem? So if the people in your life are not going to bring you closer to God and will instead stop you from praying, reading Quran, or whatever, you need to stay away from them. Whether they are Muslim or non-Muslim you need to isolate yourself so you can think and make your own decisions. Surround yourself with friends who will remind you about doing good and will assist you in your journey.

8. Don't give up!

When you work hard for something, you tend to appreciate it more when you get it. Think about it. Compare a shirt you bought with your own money and a shirt your mother bought you. Which will you take care of more? You already know the answer. I have come to appreciate my religion more than I did before. I pray without being told. Instead of rushing the prayer and wishing I could get it over with, I take my time and mean what I say. I think of the translation of the words in my head. When I say"Allahu akbar", I truly mean that "God is the greatest". When I recite Al-Fatiha (the first chapter of the Quran) I think about its English translation in my head. When I put my head to the ground in prostration and say "Subhaana Rabbil A'laa", I truly mean "Glory be to my Lord, the Most High". Islam is something that I appreciate and will never give up.

9. Nourish Your Iman (Faith) Constantly

Once you've found your way, nourish your faith constantly. Your faith is like a plant. Let‘s say you have a garden of daffodils. The daffodils need water to be nourished and grow. Likewise, the water for your faith are things like giving charity, being kind to others, praying, listening to a lecture, or reading the Quran. Your garden also needs weeding to remove harmful plants that will steal nourishment from your daffodils and ultimately kill them if they're not weeded. Likewise, weeding is the removal of wrongdoing like missing prayers, bad habits like lying or cheating, or bad friends. 

You gotta keep watering and nurturing your daffodils or one day they won‘t lift themselves up and be vibrant again. It will be lost forever. Likewise, you must work hard to keep your faith. This is a reminder first and foremost to myself.

So that's what I had to say. It's quite long but I hope my post will have benefited someone out there. Like I said before, I'm a Muslim by choice. MY choice. I love it. And I love my hijab (headscarf). It's beautiful. It makes me more beautiful. I love who I am. I take Islam as a lifestyle that I have chosen, and it's made me a better person. I am sincere in my prayers to God and I have a lot of compassion and love for others. I'm also careful to make sure I am honest and sincere in whatever I do. I make sure I fulfill my promises. I take so much things seriously. And I feel good on the inside. I'm also no longer angry all the time. I have more love for my family and have more appreciation for my parents. It's also made me more careful in the way that I speak to my parents and I try to remain respectful at all times.

Everything happens for a reason. God tests us in so many different ways and I guess being lost in your faith is one of them to see if you want to find your way. Not everyone is tested in this way; everyone is different. But it's a reality that He tests some people in this way. You may argue that this doesn't apply to a lost person who was already raised as a Muslim. But it actually does. The reason is that a person only "believes" in Islam because their parents told them that it was the right way and that's the reason they're following it. True belief comes from within. You have to believe in it for yourself as an individual with the freedom to choose. You can't be a Muslim or Christian or whatever because that's the way your parents raised you. It has to be because that's the life YOU have chosen for yourself. 

In addition, don't be too hard on yourself. We all undergo a "spiritual awakening". People go through it in different degrees. In the end, you have come out of this experience stronger than ever with a better understanding about life and this world. Always remember that in order to find your way, you have to be lost. Have hope peeps! 

I'd also like to remind everyone that once you've found your way and are more practicing, DON'T BECOME A B**** OR AN A**HOLE. I 've noticed quite the few religious girls or guys acting so arrogantly and looking down on others just because she isn't wearing a jilbaab (really long hijaab) or because he does not have a beard. You have no right to be a jerk to anyone. Allah does not love the arrogant. I think I'll have a little rant about that in my next post. 

Anyways! Like I said before in Part 1, I'm not ashamed to share this story. You can judge me all  you want. But once again, it is a reality that similar things happen to Muslims around the world. Instead of judging or hating on them, we must try to help them find their way. 

Much love.